(Disclaimer: This post is satire and very tongue-in-cheek. Reader discretion is advised)
🚫 Stop all improvement.
You’re already the greatest. You’ve been shooting all your life. Why improve if everyone already sees you as an expert? You can suck at shooting, and most people won’t even notice!
Not even you.
🚫 Never let anyone else see you shoot.
Forget classes, matches, or even practicing with others that might be better than you. If you never see anyone shoot at higher levels, the desire to improve will never ignite. You don’t need to be “THAT” good. Continue to suck at shooting.
🚫 Forget receiving any training and coaching.
You’re already the greatest!! You’ve been shooting all your life. What does some cop or some master-class whatever have to teach you?! If they see how you shoot, there’s an extreme risk that they’ll teach you something and you don’t want that. Stay ignorant and suck more. 🙂
🚫 Never dry fire.
The goal here is to completely suck at shooting, and dry fire brings way too much skill and recency for you to meet that goal. Shooting is a perishable skill, so let your skills erode and atrophy. Don’t risk developing those motor programs. Embrace the Suck.
🚫 Ignore safety.
A fantastic way to suck at safety is to be a danger to yourself and others. Be completely unsafe to be around. Be laxidasical and oblivious to where your gun is pointing, even if it’s your own arm or leg. Horrify your family & friends. Handle guns arbitrarily while it’s loaded, and do it with your finger in the trigger. Prosthetics are cheap these days.
The Universal Safety Rules have prevented accidents and injuries since the 1970’s, so don’t you dare memorize them or live by them. Try your best not to make safety a subconscious behavior, because that leads to being safe with guns without even thinking about it. Totally sucking at shooting is the goal here.
Suck more. Suck harder! 😁
😎 Every day you carry your gun, your family & church group will fear your fumbling and inaccuracy more than criminals, because you have more of a chance of injuring them than some crackhead.
The good news is that you’re less likely to be a victim of violent crime if you die or are injured by your own unsafe gun handling first!
So remove all the safeties from your modified Glock! Stab it blindly into your open-carry SERPA holster! Proudly strut into your local “Stop-&-Rob” and patiently wait for someone to snatch it from you.
Maybe your purpose in life is to serve as a cautionary tale to others. So Congrats! Sucks to suck, buddy! 🫵🤣
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